My Grandma

My Grandma passed away Saturday morning. I wish I had written down my feelings when my Grandpa passed away and didn't want to have the same regret. Alzheimers is a horrible, horrible disease that seems to take the very essence of who you are long before it should. However, Alzheimers also made her not as aware that her other half, my grandpa was missing the last 3 years. I have so many memories, memories that I had forgotten I had until the past few days. I can remember as a girl at the farm in the kitchen hearing Paul Harvey come on the radio on WGN, I HATED Paul Harvey as a kid, couldn't stand his voice and now since I live here and listen to WGN, whenever I hear Paul Harvey I smile.

My grandma always had a giant scrap bag of fabric kept upstairs in the bathroom cabinet for some reason. My sisters and I would use them to make barbie clothes or try to make barbie clothes. I remember only being able to watch one "program" a day when we stayed at the farm and her shooing us outside. I guess I'm like that with my kids too! I remember her letting us cut flowers from her flower garden that was on the side of the barn, we made arrangements with them and put them in the flower show. Taking us to the community pool in the summer. I get compliments on my cinnamon rolls but they don't even compare to hers. You can't even imagine how badly I wish I had her recipe.  I was cleaning up the girls room tonight and found a doll quilt she made for Lily when she was born. 10 years ago I wasn't as sentimental as I am now, I didn't treasure that the way I do now. Now, with my own kids I'm starting to see how fast it goes. I remember ham for just about every lunch she fixed for when grandpa came in from the fields, strawberries with half & half for dessert. Shucking corn and being squeamish about all those little black bugs. Giant snow drifts, snowmobiling for the firs and only time with my grandpa. Planting evergreens, one for each grandchild on the far side of the farm.

The past few years I've prayed and prayed for my Grandma to be at peace, now she is and she's with my Grandpa. My Dad said that Brad Paisley song "waiting on a woman" is what he thinks of..in the video there's a man sitting on a park bench in Heaven, just waiting. This morning I thought, Grandma probably got Grandpa his coffee like she did every morning and as he expected. It's so funny because when I was much younger and knew nothing about marriage I used to think "how dare he expect his wife to get his coffee, grandma should tell him to get it himself" and now I know how wonderful it is to show you love your husband by serving him, taking care of him.

I hurt for me, I really hurt for my Dad. When Grandpa died, there was still Grandma to focus on but now it's the finality that's hard. I hope to take the girls by the farm after the funeral, I would love to have a few pictures of them there even if they don't get the history, I do.